May is the worst.
Let me explain.
So back in 2021, I (Zack – yo) did a dumb bit in the podcast description of the May monthly reviews for new albums and charting singles. I talked about how May marks the 5/12ths point of the year. And then I talked about a lot of other 5/12ths of things. It doesn’t make sense yet, I know.
But one of my fatal flaws is that I can’t let go of a bit. So, in that spirit, and in the spirit of this being one of our first few episodes that aren’t Spotify exclusive, let’s go back and refresh some of the best (read: worst) of this stupid-ass bit, and then we can put it to bed and just do a regular thing for May 2025’s reviews. Please.
– 5/12ths of a sandwich: GOOD, but ANNOYING. That likely means that some jerk cut the sandwich juuuuuuust off of right down the middle, and then took the bigger piece. If your cutting skills are bad, you get the smaller piece. It’s incentive to cut better. Please consult the Sandwich Bylaws, Chapter 5, Section 12, for more information on this very important topic.
– 5/12ths of a car: BAD, although it might be workable if it’s the front half. Take that with a grain of salt actually, because I am very much not a CarPerson™ and anything I say about Cars™ is likely false and wrong.
– 5/12ths of a dozen bagels: GOOD if you don’t have to eat them all at once; otherwise BAD. Can you imagine? Downing five bagels in a single sitting? All the water in the Atlantic won’t quench that thirst. Spread ’em out.
– 5/12ths of a million dollars: $416,666.66. You tell me.
– 5/12ths of a company: OOOOOH. I mean, you own a good portion of it – and I’m gonna guess the company makes something worthwhile, like hamburgers or bingo cards or little replicas of Academy Awards, that you can give yourself in the mirror, with no one else within earshot. “Best Podcast, you say? I did NOT expect this at ALL! Let me take out my list of people to thank.” Wait, what the hell was I talking about?
– 5/12ths of Radiohead’s OK Computer: Exit Music (For A Film); Let Down; Karma Police; Electioneering; Lucky. Throw the rest of the album away. (NOTE: this was from my post last year, and I’m gonna admit it: it was a bad take. That album has no skips. Okay, Fitter Happier is a skip, but it’s less a song and more a skit, so we don’t have to count it.)
– 5/12ths of a platter of tater tots: VERY GOOD, always, in May and every other month and in every year. If you wanna be friends, you will bring me a platter of tater tots.
– 5/12ths of The Fairly KickAss Podcast: THE WORST, JUST THE ABSOLUTE WORST. There are choices! There are tons of choices!
…which is why we’re always honored to have you here. Whether you listen to one episode or all of them, y’all are the best, and we love and appreciate you.
Now go forth and social us!
Website: https://fairlykickass.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/fairlykickass
Instagram: https://instagram.com/fairlykickass
TikTok: https://www.tiktok.com/@fairlykickass
Threads: https://www.threads.net/@fairlykickass
Email: fairlykickass@gmail.com
And as always, you all better Keep. Kicking. Ass.
fairlykickass.com 